CAFE CHINO - CHARTER HALL SHOPPING SQUARE, BATEAU BAY NSW

Dining partner today was Hubby, we had been on a morning power walk in our leg warmers and ankle weights and were looking for a lovely breakfast somewhere along the point to top of the fun.

We tried to go to Shelly Beach Surf Club, but there was 90 billion people there and although I figured that meant it was a great place to eat, my patience levels dictate that after about 15 minutes if the food doesn't show up I start thinking about bad reviews. So for the sake of all, we kept walking.

We could of kept on walking and gone to the Bakery at Killarney Vale (review coming soon!) but really, I had done my hour of walking, there is no need to show off.

We stepped foot in the shopping centre, I have banned Coffee Club (OMG, I don't think I did the review!! ok thats coming too!) so we were left with the choice of Cafe Chino, KFC, SUBWAY, Wok & Roll or some kebab joint. We chose Cafe Chino due to the fact it served normal looking food.

So you have to go and order at the counter here, which is ok, I prefer table service but it's ok... Hubby got a big breakfast and I got a BLT. Now I consider myself a connoiseur of the BLT and BLAT. So I feel I have the right to pick apart anything that is wrong. I need everyone to pass this on to every cafe that you go to. You must NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER, use that transluscent type mayonaise that they always give you in the fish and chip shop. It should be illegal, that crap is terrible. Always use Whole Egg Mayonaise. people will be your friend. They had used Garlic Aioli on my BLT, I opened it up because I thought I had gotten that cheap jizz looking stuff you normally get.....but the flecks of black in it (pepper I frickin hope) made me think ok, this is Aioli, but it is rubbish Aioli. Nice Aioli does not cost much. Stop being a tight arse and get some. Whats wrong with you people?

My husband winged about almost eveything on the plate. So I had to eat bits of it to confirm that crapness. He said the sausages tasted like those $2 a kilo ones you get from coles that are pink with massive globs of fat. He was right, the sausages were disgusting. The bacon was really thin and fatty and oily and im not sure what it was, maybe shoulder ham or another cheap kind, cause it was gross. i reckon my dogs would of turned their nose up at it, and my dogs eat poo. he winged about the eggs to, I can't remember why, I didnt want to eat any of the eggs cause I was all grossed out from the sausages and bacon.

I want to like this cafe, it looks like some of the food might be nice, maybe I will give them another chance, maybe i will just waste my money somewhere else, who knows what the future will bring.

MING DRAGON CHINESE RESTAURANT - MINGARA CENTRAL COAST NSW

As a child, every friday night we would go to the local chinese and have a good old sit down bogan meal with the family. That resturant was the Sing Wah in Balgowlah on the Northern Beaches. Last time I looked, that place was still open, but there have been occasions when it has been shut due to insect infestations and the like.

I don't really care, my point here is, that the Sing Wah restaurant in Balgowlah NSW made the best short soup I have ever tasted and I NEVER, EVER, EVER have tasted anything like it again. I have searched high, I have searched low..... I am not sure what was in that wonton soup (cockroaches maybe) but it was named the 'Holy Grail of Short Shoup' by my family.

Well Listen up people. Ming Dragon is home of the Holy Grail. I am in no way insinuating that Ming Dragon possible have insects in their wontons, I'm more than sure their hygeine levels are superb. It's just.....the only time I have ever tasted Wonton Soup like those cockroach laden wontons of joy I grew up on.

Look, the Ming Dragon do everything well, i'll just put that out there. EVERYTHING. It all tastes just like awesome. For me it's about the short soup.

Yes I am basing my review on one bowl of soup. It still counts because I have actually eaten a rather large portion of their menu, quite regularly. It's all good, I said that. Forget all that. SOUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP

The people who run the restaurant even remind me of the same people who were at the Sing Wah, there is your token big asian mumma, the funny happy skinny husband, some random kids scattered around the restaurant doing colouring in, and the pre-requiste five caucasian waitresses that smart asian restaurants know they have to employ to deal with drunk whiteys who can't hear very well or understand chingrish.

I flippin love this place. its good, Go there. The wrost thing they could ever say to me is... 'NO SOUP FOR YOU!!'

Just on a side note..... This restaurant is within Mingara Recreation Club. So you have a couple of choices..... you can get drunk, then get hungry, and stumble two metres to a table and stuff your face. Do it! They will still be nice to you...they are like that!

Failing that you can eat first, then get drunk, and to top it off, Mingara seems to me like some wierd Los Vegas Nevada type place, thats been dropped in boganville central, so you can waste any money you have left over in the poker machines.

So lets wrap this up here.....At Ming Dragon, You may eat the holy grail of soup and win your booze money back, all in one night. It's a win win.

LAKEHOUSE - THE ENTRANCE

This is my favourite restaurant on the north of the coast. You really can't afford to go there if you only earn as much as I do, but on the back of a good pokie win, we all have the potential to experience this joint.

This was my second visit there, and flying in the face of what I just said, it was actually quite reasonable, unless your idea of reasonable is 2 free salads with your barbeque chook, it may not be quite that good, but it's close. $35 locals night. Two Courses. Don't drink too much alcohol because that is when you might find yourself ringing your mum to cover the bill via phone.

I just need to put it out there, that I have been accused of being a bogan in the past. Many times. I am comfortable with this label, although I am always trying on new personalities so I would like to think that for a couple of hours I could pretend that I belong in this rich mahogany room, with people who probably don't enjoy shopping in Kmart as much as I do. Alas it was over before it started and I got out of the car and strode confidentially towards the restaurant, only to have hubby call me back and remind me I was still wearing my knee high Ugg Boots and I should possibly change into some of the less bogan shoes I store throughout my car.

Problem fixed, off we go.

Yes we can have a table! This is going well.

I am a really annoying eater, I am difficult and picky, and dining with me can be one of the more embarrassing experiences of your life, so when I see that the menu has 3 choices for each course, which I would actually eat. I am in heaven. This restaurant really is good.

The waiters know their stuff without being overbearing and wanky and the food came out in a way that made me wonder if they had a direct line to my stomach, and knew just when to shove more food in front of my face.

I had, pork belly with citrus glaze, thyme chicken and some chocolate mousse desert thing. Hubby had a special which was brocolli, zuchhini and kale soup with an egg in it. The thought of that made me want to puke but I tried some and it was pretty awesome, however I didn't have any with the egg in it, that sounds barf worthy. My hubby assured me it was awesome. He had the beef pot pie also.

Smiles all round. No complaints that I could make an awesome blog out of I am afraid!

My divine pork belly, whom which I covet in my sleep, was a little over cooked, I might not even have noticed, but I have had it before and it was definitely a bit more shrivelled this time. I still shoved the whole lot in my gob in about 45 seconds flat. You do not waste good pork belly ever. I'm pretty sure that it's a crime.

Our dessert was SUPER rich, but this is not a whinge, I just don't like super rich and wasn't expecting it, others may well feel I am being a snot nosed little brat and I should just get over it. I pretty much have, it wasn't that bad and I love chocolate, so even bad chocolate is pretty good. I just have to mention food in my blog or it becomes a bit of an issue.

I really think this is the pinnacle of hospitality. A place where one can go to feel sophisticated and have a bit of a dress up, but a place where I am sure that if my husband had not of noticed my Ugg boots and I walked in the restaurant with them on, there would of been no issue! I told him this. He doesn't care.

Anyway, go here, they have lots of good stuff going on. Just heed my advice. Stay away from the bar.

COAST 89 CAFE - TOWOON BAY

This was a very pleasant cafe. Everything about it was pleasant, the service, the food, the day (well technically the day was stunning, but for the sake of not making unobtainable comparisons, the day will be pleasant too)

There was some lovely pleasant girls serving and they were just the right amount of friendly.

We ate the chicken schnitzel wraps and I had a strawberry smoothie and hubby had a coffee. It was all very pleasant.

The ambience was pleasant and the cafe is situate on this weird corner where drivers find it impossible to stay on the right side of the road, so that led to some great free entertainment, which I always appreciate, especially if it is the form of a possible non-injurous bingle.

I find myself with not a lot to say about this cafe, merely because it was all so pleasant.

It's pleasant, go there.

CAFE MACAW - THE ENTRANCE NSW

I have seen this cafe many times in The Entrance, it is always full to bursting, so we thought that would indicate that the food and service must be tip top, right?

At first glance it was all that and more, we were greeted by a friendly face and seated at the table, they had a great selection of breakfasts and we proceeded to order.

Mine was pretty simple, BLAT and a juice.

My compadre (Besty) chose to have the Haloumi Stack with vegetables, like most people she had a few items she didn't want on the plate because she doesn't eat them. preparing you for the story ahead, let us just say that the tomato was our downfall here.

Compadre asked for no tomato to be put on the plate. She generally comes across as a bit rude so there was no question that the bloody tomato should be turfed and not brought to the table.

I also need to prepare you for one of my life rules. You do NOT, I repeat, do NOT EVER put lemon juice in avocado to preserve its colour. Surely I am not the only person in the world who detests this practice?

I don't get it, it's dumb, it wrecks the taste of the avocado and it's just DUMB, it's uneccesary too. Here is a piece of advice for you, the turnover of your customers, seems quite good. There is absolutely no reason for you to need to put lemon in your avocado. You should be using it quite rapidly. Just keep the seed in it and you are flipping set. Why are you running a food business when you don't know this? Maybe one day a person will be allergic to lemons and order your 'Avocado' and then what? You don't adulterate food with other foodstuffs, and NOT tell your customers you are doing that.

Oh, if you haven't guessed, my BLAT was actually a BLAT and Lemon juice Turkish bread. Put that on the menu next time jerks, I'm sick of wasting my money buying food, thinking it's going to be one thing then it's something else.

Our next mistake was coming up, Compadre had her food delivered to the table, instantly spying the tomato on the plate that was clearly asked to be removed, she sais to the waitress "I asked for no tomato"

The reply was when we knew that we had entered another "Blacklisted in the future" cafe.

She looked compadre in the eye and said 'What, do you want me to take it back to the kitchen and take it off the plate?"

This was accompanied with a look that clearly said "Just move the tomato you stupid woman!!! Who cares if I got it wrong, Just stop being so fussy, god, seriously, I do not work here to put up with these cows"

It was a very long look, it definitely could of been saying all of that.

Compadre said most sternly "Yes"

I think this is where she wrecked it for us, that's when all the waitresses seemed to collectively become one and treat us like crap.

I'm pretty sure they overheard us talking about the lemony avocado and they did not like it. The compadre dared to question their hearing abilities regarding the tomato, and we were quickly Cafe Macaw enemy number one.

We tried to finish our meals in silence and not irritate the possibly homicidal waitresses anymore.

Unfortunately, compadres eggs seemed to be snotty, an event that had me dry retching and her picking bits of snot out to try and get some eggy goodness into her. She felt the need to tell the waitress, this is about when I decided we should leave soon.

Sadly I had been so wrapped up in my own iritation at the lemony avocado, I had failed to notice the rage bubbling up in compadre and when she said "lets pay" I just blindly followed her.

I should of run out the door.

In what she describs as 'fitting for the circumstances' she pulled out some of those plastic money bags the bank gives you for your twwenty cent peices. Oh, they had money in them too. About $60 worth of small change.

At this stage I hovered in the background because lets face it, my anger was slightly less than hers, and I didn't want to be part of what I knew would happen next.

Compadre proceeded to pay the girl with $44 in loose change, so I'm pretty sure the waitresses lost it by then because they were openly hostile, the gentlemen in line to pay behind us almost had a coronary when the waitress had counted the money and compadre decided she had counted it wrong.

The gentlmen behind us threw money on the counter to make up the difference for us, threw out some swear words under his breath and walked out the door. What a lovely guy!

So we come to the end of our adventure at Cafe Macaw, it had to go on the blacklist I am afraid. I just cannot fathom paying them anymore of my hard earned money if that is the experience I am going to have.

COCO BANANA - THE ENTRANCE NSW

Well this restaurant was so terrible it caused me to start a blog. If that is not bad then I do not know what is. Have you ever walked into a room and gone, "I think I am in the right place, but, but, I can't possibly be can I?" It's a very confusing feeling.

I thought I was going to a restaurant, but apparently I had booked a night out in an empty room, with no companions to dine with and no staff to be seen.

When my dining companion for the evening (hubby) walked in, he accused me of taking us to the wrong place and thought possibly I had booked us in to some kind of wierd survivor style adventure night where you have to hunt, gather and cook your own food. I reassured him this was not true, it was just that.....that.... we were in a white tiled room, which had a lovely looking bar in one corner and some tables laid out here and there, but there was no cutlery or crockery on any of the tables and there was not a person in site.

I poked my head into the kitchen area....nada. I conferred with my husband, I thought it might attract someone if we just sat down. Surely? We sat. We waited. After ten minutes I sent my husband in to see if we could at least get a drink, why I did this I don't know, there were no staff anywhere, I already knew that, I was delirious by this stage and thought maybe I was in the twilight zone. Well I think you know the outcome, a child can do the mathematics of that equation. My husband looked stupid for a while wandering around this sterile empty, erm, room and then he came back out. "What should we do? Should we stay or what?" I looked at my smartphone (no-body has watched anymore ok) and realised this vortex we were in had kept us for almost 20 minutes.

I still refused to belive that you can have a restaurant with an open door, an nobody inside it. I started to think we were meant to bring our own food with us or something? I am not always quick to pick up on worthless causes, but it didnt take me another 5 minutes to say "Lets go somewhere else" It was really odd walking out the door, I kept expeecting someone to come out and say "Hey! Wait! we have just been hiding, SURPRISE!"

Nobody yelled surprise

We left

I now am forced to write this blog because of the outrage it has caused me. I have gone onto Trip Advisor (A great site, but they check your reviews to make sure they are publicly acceptable, so not for me always) to check out what other people thought. I was stunned that although our experience was unique in its stupidness, it was not unlike Coco Banana to give super awful service, rip people off and serve shite food. There is literally nothing they can do to make this better. i am pretty sure that if you open your restaurant doors, you should have the tables made up and staff ready to serve. Otherwise just GTFO of the industry, please.

BAD SERVICE, BAD FOOD, IT'S EVERYWHERE

Well, this is something I have been thinking about for a while. I abhor bad service and I abhor bad food, when the two are combined, I see red. Why do I think I have the right to critique cafes and restaurants? I am a customer, I managed a cafe for 4 years, I enjoy good food, I spend every weekend looking for the "perfect cafe", oh and my husband is a very experienced chef, so I have some expert advice on hand when needed. it seems like every week, myself and my usual dining compadre have to cross someone else off the list as a 'no go zone' Most importantly I think all blogs need to have serious amounts of humour in them or they are as boring as bat shit, so please keep your tongue in cheek at all times or leave the building while you are not offended. I invite any cafe or restaurant owner who finds themselves on my blog, to contact me if they belive that I have erred in my review. Please note that all corresponsdence is NOT private and confidential. If you send it to me, I might publish it, unless you ask nicely. See that's what it's all about, being nice. Oh and great food. I want to introduce my blog with the restaurant that started this desire to tell everyone else what I think of certain food establishments, so think of like trip advisor (which I also go on, but the reviews are all a bit polite for me) but with swearing, brutal honesty, and humour. PS: We are always open to coming back and giving you a second review if you ask nicely and want to take the risk :-) I hope you enjoy my reviews (and occasionally reviews from my dining companions)I admit I look for very high standards, but I am fair and very open to mistakes being made, if they are fixed and done with a smile. A little bit of customer service goes a long way. CHEERS!